God’s first assessment of humans is that they are very good. His second assessment? “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18). God determines that Adam’s primary need is not to sleep, exercise, or floss. The ultimate truth is that Adam is made for relationship. And so are you.
1. Recognize Your Need for Friendship
God designed us for communion, with himself and with others. It does not matter our temperament, how we get our energy, or any other personality label we give ourselves. No one is exempt. We must commit to forming holy friendships at all stages of life. Just as prayer requires discipline, fitness requires determination, and academics require commitment, friendships, too, require effort. The solution? Put in the effort.
2. Elevate Your Current Friendships
Unless you are on a solo expedition to the Arctic Circle, you interact with other humans every single day—whether your barista, your coworkers, your neighbors, other parents at the drop-off line, or the fellow-gym rat who lifts daily at 5:15 p.m. These interactions are pretty basic. But they can become something more. How? Be intentional.
Ask your barista’s name. Write it down in your phone. Address her by it the next time you order. Ask her if she has any recommendations or if there are new additions to the menu. Invite your coworker to join you for lunch in the break room. Ask about his family, where he worked previously, what his dream job was as a little kid. When you’re next at the gym, remove your headphones and chat with someone you recognize as she catches her breath in between reps. Ask her if she’s training for a competition or follows a certain workout plan.
Keep this up. Don’t be creepy, but be consistent. Smiling, eye contact, keeping your cell phone out of sight, and using someone’s name is essential. See if the person reciprocates and if conversation begins to frequently flow. If yes, invite the person to a different setting outside your current one. If this is a co-worker, ask him or her to take a walk during lunch. If this is a parent, invite mom or dad and kids to play at the park after school. If this is your gym buddy, tell her you’re going to watch the game at a nearby brewery after your workout and she should come. This gives the friendship fresh air and a chance to grow some roots.
3. Make Brand New Friendships
Maybe you recently moved to a new city, work entirely remotely, are single, and have no roommates. Your acquaintances are scarce. Where might potential in-person friends be hiding? Examine your faith. Examine your hobbies. Employ the same skills from the previous tip. Places like your local parish (daily Mass, Bible study, volunteer groups), a gym, rec-sports leagues, a walking trail, your favorite café, your apartment complex, a sports bar, a friend-of-a-friend’s BBQ, or guitar lessons are prime places to interact and find future friends.
4. Ask God for Grace
No one will break down the door of your home and force you to become best friends. If you do not change your habits that lead to loneliness, you will continue to be lonely. Good news! God is a Father who gives good gifts to his children. One of those gifts is friendship. Pray for the courage to get to know the people around you. Beg him for perseverance when friendships fizzle out, hope when you feel dejected, and patience through frustration. Ask him to send you good friends and to help you be a good friend. Your holiness depends on it.
Maggie Craig ’15 MA ’17 is the author of Friendship Reset: Ditch the Drama and Find Your Crew and a professional Catholic speaker through Maggie Craig Ministries.
